This Life Could Be The Last,

Nomatter what I cannot win...

Wed, 07 Dec 2005 21:53:01 GMT

I feel so bad for not exercising! Yeah, I have P.E ( first hour of all times!), but we all know that once that class is over I hadn't planned on doing much of anything exersize wise. We have swimming starting the 12th, which I really don't want to do. I would rather stay after school and run a mile.
My diet is awful( being a knowledge-less vegetarian, which I'm slowly fixing), and I don't exercise. Thats just two big thumbs up for me! -_-

I started thinking about this after:
1) I reading vegetarian magazines, looking for some recipes,,
2) I realized that I never exercise steadily,
3) along with Illuminati live by Malice Mizer. I'll blame Gackt on this part.( which then reminded me of Jesse Jarrell,Isa Gordan and "AJ" but they have nothing to do with this, I just respect and admire them. Then they reminded me that I still need to find more in depth info of "suicide" suspension, which is not what it sounds like...long story. I'll tell you all more about it when its closer to May.)

I use to always do sit-ups, but since I got my navel pierced I didn't want to do anything that would hinder the healing...which I did anyway -_- (Hypertropic scaring/hypergranulation is a bitch)
But because my diet is so spastic, people always think I have some eating disorder, or am obsessed with my weight. I'm not! I hate when I eat sugary/ unhealthy foods, because I know if I took a little more time I could find a better alternative, and wouldn't feel so guilty when I ate it. Like anyone,I want to be healthy, but just because I'm thin doesn't mean I'm healthy. I would rather weigh more and have it all be muscle then weigh what I do now.I would just not want the body of a female body builder, just something more elegantly androgynous. My arms are so weak its not even funny, but my legs are another story. All that cross country really payed off!

I'll end so I don't ramble on for another mile or so.

::end transmission::

Erased 'till the paper was warm and the letters were gone...

Sat, 19 Nov 2005 21:24:03 GMT

I erased the past today.
Turned each page only once I got as much as I could gone.
Say hello and keep walking,(maybe you don't want to remember either)
Because today I erased the past...

Thank you, that is all

::end transmission::

Noone to call when the tears start to fall...

Sat, 22 Oct 2005 16:22:39 GMT

I never realized how many friends I didn't have...

This world is built on hate...

Wed, 12 Oct 2005 09:55:17 GMT

Yesterday was "National coming-out day". Hope it was amuseing for you as it was for me.

Human nature, I guess thats what a lot of things get blamed on.
Like our hate for those who are "diffrent".
This world is built on hate, and thats why it turns...
I hate society and humanity for that matter...

THE ULTIMATE SILENCE
October 12, 1998

Listen to the mustn'ts, child.
Listen to the don'ts.
Listen to the shouldn'ts,
The impossibles, the won'ts.
Listen to the never haves,
Then listen close to me ...
Anything can happen, child.
Anything can be.

~ Shel Silverstein

seven years ago today, Matthew Shepard was murdered for being homosexual.

What will you do to end the silence?

Click here to post this on your own page or weblog

The only movie to make me even come close to crying: "Anatomy of a Hate Crime". That movie is about Matthew Shepard's "story" for lack of a better word...
I don't care if any of you repost this, you've read it and thats all that matters. It means something to me, so I posted it.
I hope this opens the eyes of society so they see that this really happens...

Homecoming! Tonight! Las Veges!

Sat, 01 Oct 2005 17:05:44 GMT

I can't wait!
Homecoming is tonight and I can't wait to wear my dress. It makes me feel very elegant...and hug-able. ^^
I hope I find a friend or two. Although I wish I could see my friends at Lakeland all dressed up for the festivities.
I miss you all so much!

Its been three months since I got my navel pierced, and my piecer said I could change the jewelry then. Damn curved barbell hurts,;_;, but it will put less stress on it while it heals since I have P.E and most of my shirts a tight. And it will save me when Josh and Ashley get into a poke-fest and I'm stuck in the middle. XD

Hugs and "Las Veges" sparkles!

blarg blarg blarg

Sat, 17 Sep 2005 23:21:04 GMT

Blair, if you read this, call me back. I didn't mean to hang up! I was trying to fix the volume on the phone and hit the wrong botton. *blush*

I don't know Kelly's number, so I'm waiting for you to call me back, if you want to, of course.

hopefully talk to you later

Want to play the game and see how deep my hole gets?...

Sun, 11 Sep 2005 22:10:15 GMT

Damnit, why is it that whenever I try to fix something I make it worse?
Jackie asked me (through a message thankfully) to go to homecomeing with her...
I really don't want to. Nothing personal to her, but I'll have my own, not to mention that I would feel so out of place...
I still have to reply to the message. It would only be worse if I didn't, but what to I say anyway!?

Just so you don't get confused:

Jackei = Shall I die now or Later?
me =Shall we unite in the deranged Eden?

From: Shall I die now or later?
I am think about it I still don't know if I should right now. I am really still mad, sad. and still saying what the fucking shit! ok. bye

PS. you live to die and you die to live
think about

From: Shall we unite in the deranged Eden?

I'm confused. I don't even know why you are mad!
If its something I did, surely you jest , for you know I would not mean to do something of the such.

p.s: why should I be pondering these words? I already know this saying well...

From: Shall I die now or later?

look right now I don't know what to say. ok I am lot in my mind ok.
I eeeerrrrrrrrr right now there are so many thing in my head. I am try to say what
I mean but this guy form my math class with his girls paints on and his very nice
ass now joke! comes in my head. then u being sad or mad at me or anything. I have
been sad for 1 year now. Wanting to die aand all that shit. I am still that way.
I am lost in a world I don't understand. I think you want to know what that world
is its love. I have been suck in it for 3 years. I still am. Just forget it. ok

From: Shall we unite in the deranged Eden?

Even if you have a lot on your mind, don't take it out on me. I have a lot on mine as well, but if you don't tell me what ever is it I do to upset you in any way, I can't fix it.
I'm not going to forget it, since you were the one who brought it up first! And maybe I don't understand, but how could you be lost in the world of love for three years!? Maybe I just dont understand, but you have friends that love you.
Right now you havn't explained to me whats going on. I know your worried about Aaron(sp?), but there isn;t anything I can do about it!
So what ever it is other then that, you'll have to tell me. I can't keep worriying myself over something that I have no hopes in fixing!
I'm not mad, if that what your thinking, I just want some answers, okay?

Love,
Kalyn

Holding anger is a poison. It eats you from inside. We think that
hating is a weapon that attacks the person who harmed us. But hatred
is a curved blade. And the harms we do, we do to ourselves.

From: Shall I die now or later?

U may not understand the 3 years lot in love. 3 years ago I say a great person I have been lost ever since that person will never see me that way. I think u know who it is no reson to ask. I love this person to death. I am sry right now I don't want to say any more. :'-(. Think about who it could be. I love you.
Jackie

ps I have been drinking that poison for a log time now.

From: Shall we unite in the deranged Eden?

What is it you want me to do!? Surely you know that if whatever it is lies
in my power, indeed I would do it, but what is it you really want me to do?
I know not how to fix whatever damadge was caused that day. For you know if I
did, I would fix it.
If you indeed want my help, you cannot be so vague.
I need to know all the poison. What was it truely made of?

From: Shall I die now or later?

FORGET IT !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I love you but I don't know how tell u everything just forget it.
No need to worry. I am worryed about aaron but I got a major yelling
for him saying how much I need to fix something so right now I can't and
I know he well know. kalyn I love you so much ok. I just want to forget it.
Jackie

From: Shall we unite in the deranged Eden?

You might want to forget it, and I don't want to hurt you,
but I want to know how I can fix it. You always say love hurt you,
well I'm trying to fix it. If you don't tell me how to do so, I can
never begin to. And forgeting it is not an option. Like I have said,
indeed, I don not wish to hurt you. From what you've said I've done enough
of that. I mearly want to fix as much as I can...

r u and blaire still together? Please tell me the truth. ok.
I need to know before I can ask u the ? I would like to ask. So please tell truth. thanx
Ok I am going to ask u this ? right now. Aaron and Chelsea have my self ansteam up really high right now and this maybe my last change. So here it gose. Well u go to homecoming with me at howell?
Plz anwser.

[Error: Irreparable invalid markup ('<end/lj-cut>') in entry. Owner must fix manually. Raw contents below.]

Damnit, why is it that whenever I try to fix something I make it worse?
Jackie asked me (through a message thankfully) to go to homecomeing with her...
I really don't want to. Nothing personal to her, but I'll have my own, not to mention that I would feel so out of place...
I still have to reply to the message. It would only be worse if I didn't, but what to I say anyway!?

<lj-cut text="Heres the whole conversation:">

Just so you don't get confused:

Jackei = Shall I die now or Later?
me =Shall we unite in the deranged Eden?

From: Shall I die now or later?
I am think about it I still don't know if I should right now. I am really still mad, sad. and still saying what the fucking shit! ok. bye

PS. you live to die and you die to live
think about

From: Shall we unite in the deranged Eden?

I'm confused. I don't even know why you are mad!
If its something I did, surely you jest , for you know I would not mean to do something of the such.

p.s: why should I be pondering these words? I already know this saying well...

From: Shall I die now or later?

look right now I don't know what to say. ok I am lot in my mind ok.
I eeeerrrrrrrrr right now there are so many thing in my head. I am try to say what
I mean but this guy form my math class with his girls paints on and his very nice
ass now joke! comes in my head. then u being sad or mad at me or anything. I have
been sad for 1 year now. Wanting to die aand all that shit. I am still that way.
I am lost in a world I don't understand. I think you want to know what that world
is its love. I have been suck in it for 3 years. I still am. Just forget it. ok

From: Shall we unite in the deranged Eden?

Even if you have a lot on your mind, don't take it out on me. I have a lot on mine as well, but if you don't tell me what ever is it I do to upset you in any way, I can't fix it.
I'm not going to forget it, since you were the one who brought it up first! And maybe I don't understand, but how could you be lost in the world of love for three years!? Maybe I just dont understand, but you have friends that love you.
Right now you havn't explained to me whats going on. I know your worried about Aaron(sp?), but there isn;t anything I can do about it!
So what ever it is other then that, you'll have to tell me. I can't keep worriying myself over something that I have no hopes in fixing!
I'm not mad, if that what your thinking, I just want some answers, okay?

Love,
Kalyn

Holding anger is a poison. It eats you from inside. We think that
hating is a weapon that attacks the person who harmed us. But hatred
is a curved blade. And the harms we do, we do to ourselves.

From: Shall I die now or later?

U may not understand the 3 years lot in love. 3 years ago I say a great person I have been lost ever since that person will never see me that way. I think u know who it is no reson to ask. I love this person to death. I am sry right now I don't want to say any more. :'-(. Think about who it could be. I love you.
Jackie

ps I have been drinking that poison for a log time now.

From: Shall we unite in the deranged Eden?

What is it you want me to do!? Surely you know that if whatever it is lies
in my power, indeed I would do it, but what is it you really want me to do?
I know not how to fix whatever damadge was caused that day. For you know if I
did, I would fix it.
If you indeed want my help, you cannot be so vague.
I need to know all the poison. What was it truely made of?

From: Shall I die now or later?

FORGET IT !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I love you but I don't know how tell u everything just forget it.
No need to worry. I am worryed about aaron but I got a major yelling
for him saying how much I need to fix something so right now I can't and
I know he well know. kalyn I love you so much ok. I just want to forget it.
Jackie

From: Shall we unite in the deranged Eden?

You might want to forget it, and I don't want to hurt you,
but I want to know how I can fix it. You always say love hurt you,
well I'm trying to fix it. If you don't tell me how to do so, I can
never begin to. And forgeting it is not an option. Like I have said,
indeed, I don not wish to hurt you. From what you've said I've done enough
of that. I mearly want to fix as much as I can...

r u and blaire still together? Please tell me the truth. ok.
I need to know before I can ask u the ? I would like to ask. So please tell truth. thanx
Ok I am going to ask u this ? right now. Aaron and Chelsea have my self ansteam up really high right now and this maybe my last change. So here it gose. Well u go to homecoming with me at howell?
Plz anwser.

<end/lj-cut>
I don't want to hurt her anymore then I already have....

Fri, 02 Sep 2005 02:06:54 GMT

I'm trying to make a new lj and need some help with getting it right.
Could anyone tell me how to get ride of the text box and tell me how to make a lj layout useing this <"http://i11.photobucket.com/albums/a174/B3ll3_Mort3/The20Mainbocher20Corset20Paris20193.jpg">

I'm aweful with computers, and have looked in the FaQ's but I always get confused! XD

Thu, 01 Sep 2005 17:25:32 GMT

I plan to paint a mural of something and my mother gave me the okay.^^. I'll paint it in my closet though, so that way it can be hidden if it needs to be. Although...I have a problem...I don't know what to paint.@-@. There are so many choices!and I only have one wall. I would love to do my favorite piece by Botticelli:"Venus and Mars" or Bosch's intriguing:"The Garden of Earthly Delights". But those are both to hard. Have you seen Bosch's work!!!! holy crap,that would be hard!! I thought maybe to do a night sence or a garden...or something. So I need your help. Just please give me some ideas. Maybe I can mix and match things. Or even better, if you have some images?
But thats my next project

With paint still under her nails, she goes about her work...

Sat, 27 Aug 2005 02:57:54 GMT

Been awhile and needed a little update.

I've been asked to do some commission work and I can't believe it!!! ( this happened awhile ago) Someone thinks highly enough of my crappy work to ask me to do something for them. Mrs. Glinter has asked me to do three (or so) drawings for her biology class. She told her co-workers that she has a really talented artist to do some work for her. *blushes*
She said she'd pay me 20 dollars for the work she asked, and I kept telling her I didn't want her money. I had nothing to do anyway, this gave me something to do. But I really don't want her money, although I am honored thats she offered.
I hope that she likes the end result. I really should go work on those right now. Have two left to do and planned on giving them to her september first.

I finished two paintings as well(that have nothing to do with the commission work).
Maybe I should post them here? I did one of Ora from Clover by Clamp. Why you ask? I haven't a clue. I always liked her character and wish I had those books, but Tracey still has them. A lot of color, but it looks okay.
The other is sort of an androgynous male angel, but the wings are not elaborate. Their simple and small, like there just forming. Its just black, grey and white. Simple, but out of the two, is my favorite.
If anything, I will post that one.

I plan to paint a mural of something and my mother gave me the okay.^^. I'll paint it in my closet though, so that way it can be hidden if it needs to be. Although...I have a problem...I don't know what to paint.@-@. There are so many choices!and I only have one wall. I would love to do my favorite piece by Botticelli:"Venus and Mars" or Bosch's intriguing:"The Garden of Earthly Delights". But those are both to hard. Have you seen Bosch's work!!!! holy crap,that would be hard!! I thought maybe to do a night sence or a garden...or something. So I need your help. Just please give me some ideas. Maybe I can mix and match things. Or even better, if you have some images?
But thats my next project.

I find out if I have creative metals, and the rest of my classes Monday.
To all my friends going to Lakeland, promise me that you won't let whatever kind of friendship we have fade away. When I went to middle school I had to leave all my friends, and you know what? I've lost them all because none of us kept in touch. I don't want it to happen again! So promise me we won't let it fade to nothing.

Tomorrow I go paint-balling with my brother(and maybe Luke)!!! I can't wait!!! ^^!!!
I can laugh now, but I know if I get hit, I'm going to be black and blue. I'm just not as big as everyone else who went last time(my dad, brother and Matt) and my dad had some bad brusies! But I look forward to that part too. Its just part of it.^^. My dad had this line that started at the top of the middle of his back and went halfway down hs arm. That was funny looking! As crazy as this sounds, I hope that happens to me too. I know there are going to be paint mines. I really want to see someone trip one of those, but I want to be far enough away that it won't hit me too. I hope I do good and can't wait!! Wish me luck and some good shots. haha

I think thats all for now, sorry for making it so long. I most likely forgot something. I'll have to post a picture of me with all my crazy cousins! Happy readings!

Love,Blood&Kisses

Meet the merry travelers and the local pub, or down the cobble stones ( Starbucks or around)

Wed, 24 Aug 2005 17:07:37 GMT

Maria and I are going in town. I don't know how long well be, but I would be very happy if you would "mystically" run into us.

I'll give you all an actull update later.

It bothers me when everyone else sleeps and you can't, but you wonder if their dreaming...

Mon, 01 Aug 2005 05:37:36 GMT

I don't know why, but I can't sleep.
I know my body wants to go to bed, but my mind says its not tired. To top it off I'm not feeling 100%. Besides the electric lights bothering my eyes agian, I feel like I have a slight fever. I know my diet it aweful, so I'm sure that is not helping. I've had this nauseas feeling twice since June 28 that got so bad I couldn't see. I couldn't even stand, everything was spinning. All I could think about was laying down. The second time it happened I just sat down on the bathroom floor. I knew the floor was colder then my room and thats what I wanted at the time. I really hope that feeling doesn't come back anytime soon. Although I tried to explain it above, that doesn't even cover it.

I'm going to stop my whining, its childidh for me to do.

This lj will be updated untill further notice.

I feel like an idiot for making this post -_-...

I'm such a gothic emo hippie!! I can see myself as that...is that good or bad?

Sun, 31 Jul 2005 05:15:43 GMT

Goth
Do you wear black eyeliner? Black, no, but blue and purple, yes
How much black clothing do you own? that is a good qestion...
Do you think about death often? not really, although I think about how when your a child your mind protects you from fully understanding death. Its only when your older do you realize that that person is not returning.
Do you want to die? not that I know of o_O
Are you a social outcast? most likely, but I don't care to much
Are you pale? compared to how dark I can get, yes, but not really
Do you cut? ...not anymore
Do you like Hot topic? I like it, but I don't buy from there

Skater Punk
Can you skateboard? I use to be able to!
Whats your sneakers brand? Vans I guess
Do you do stupid stuff with your friends alot? haha, ya
Are the long skater hair cuts hot? depends...I'm sure you'd like to know
How much do you get in trouble? at school or at home?
Do you listen to the bands that arent considered posters? depends who thinks their "posters"
How many piercings do you have? at the moment only 6, but my list has already become around 20 or so...

Prep
How often do you say like? more then I know
Are the A & F models hot? not really to me
How many purses do you have? 3 and one backpack that I use as a purse.
Is lipgloss a must? no, but as some friends like to say, I have a fetish for chapstick with menthol in it. like Blistex, softlips and Orgins ^^
How often do you wear makeup? alot, but its not to much. Normally just eyeliner, chapstick and coverup.
Ever had a manicure? yes
Rock music is bad, right? Definately not
Are you ever ditzy? so I've been told
Do you own high heels? yes, one pair and I have platform combat boots^^ ( or hooker boots a Keith like to say)
Have you ever said oh my gawsh? XD ya
Are you a cheerleader? Do I look like one?

Hippie
Is your hair long? thats an understatment
Are you a vegetarian? indeed
Do you own a tye dye shirt? I think so, but I don't wear it
Do you want peace? Peace really is impossiable, its human nature to fight
Do you want to save the animals? I'll help what I can
Do you wear sunglasses? yes, electric lights bother my eyes
What do you think about war? I'd join, but its not something I really like
Have you ever made a peace sign w/ your fingers?...I think...

Gangsta
Are you from the ghetto? as I said before, do I look it?
Do you own any bling bling? no
What do you think about dew rags? uh...
Do you like Rap? No.
How about HipHop? No.
Was Tupac really the greatest rapper ever? I don't really know.
What do you think about afros? Haha. They're alright.
Have you ever said Fo shizzle? When I was joking, yes.

Frat
Is life a party? It depends.
How often do you get drunk? Never, but some friends have been drunk before
Do you care about your grades? ya, but I don't act it
Do you need an attitude adjustment? depends who you ask.

Emo
How often do you cry? I'd rather hold it in
Do you have an acoustic guitar? electric
Are you emotional? to much, but I'm trying to fix that
Do you like soft music? if I'm in the mood for it
Do people understand you? I don't know
Do you write your own songs? if I did, they sucked
Is your hair dyed dark? nope, more along the lines of reds

Jock
Do you play any sports? I want to play guys lacrosse.
How important is your reputation? It depends.
Do you pick on the geeky kids? Never, I'd be placed as a geeky kid
What do you think about football? could care less
Are you considered a bully by anyone? I don't think so.

Geek
Do you wear glasses? why I don't want to wear my glasses
Do you get good grades? Xd are you kidding, only in art
Are you smart? I wish
Do you use an inhaler? no
Do you stick pens and calculators in your shirt pockets? I'll put pens in my pants pocket sometimes..
Does your mom buy your clothes? sadly yes
How often are you on the computer? I'm on it right now...

As if the last entry wasn't random enough! XD

Sun, 31 Jul 2005 04:53:35 GMT

Ive lost count of how many times Ive been hit by an electric fence.
Really, I use to know the number, but..I sorta lost count! XD

To an artist, it just feels right...

Sun, 31 Jul 2005 04:41:12 GMT

Its past midnight and Im painting...
This whole house sleeps and I'm painting.
Thankfully my legs and the rest of my body are starting to un-cramp.

...I feel like going out...I feel like doing something crazy...damn my age restrictions-_-...and I have a huge craving for tech-no music and pomegranate juice...I wonder if pomegranate juice taste good mixed with raspberry vodka?...
Ive always wanted to try vodka, although I'm told you should have a good chaser like soda or something to go with it ^_~
Actually, I think we have vodka...or was it rum we had?

And now you all know I'm not dead! 'cause heres an update...

Wed, 13 Jul 2005 14:53:08 GMT

(( there are spelling errors! there are so many that I'm not going to fix them all. Just thought you'd like to know that.))

It has been a long time.
this thing hasen't been updated since around the last day of school.
Should I start from there?
most likely no one will really care, but I guess thats were I'll start.
Our school went to Ceder Point, and I ended up sitting next to Mr. Browne with Mr. Feldman next to him and Maria
and Diana behind me. Its kind of funny, but when I see a teacher I sometimes forget they have a life
outside of school. Mr. Feldman looked like a kid from behind! We all wore neon green shirts ( that my mom wouldn't let me modify) so my group ( Diana, Maria and I) played spot OVMS. WE went on this ride that took you from one side of the park to the other, I think it was called Sky Ride...
But while you were up there you could look down and you'd see neon green ovms people walking around. That made me smile, in an odd sort of way. I couldn't wait to go on a ride because this would be my first rollercoster.
I whent on the Corkscew with Maria. ^^; Somehow we obtained Amanda and she joined our group. Mainly since she had a backpack Diana couldn't join us for that one. If you had a backpack or something you couldn't go on the rides. You had to find someone from your group to take it. We all kept going on the Iron Dragon. That had to be our favorit. haha, we went on it so many times!
After awhile we obtained Jeff after eating and since we were going to go to a water ride, and he wanted to go as well, he came with us. It ended up that only Diana and I went on the ride. I freaked out because all
the teachers were comeing near and I didn't have my shirt ( okay, 1) I had a bathingsuit on so its not like I had nothing and 2) if you were caught without your shirt, you had to stay with the adults all day.
although I think they did say that if you were going on the water rides you could take your shirt off so it didn't get wet.)
Maria, Amanda and Jeff waited by the bridge, which if you stand there you get soaked anyway.
okay, so were walking, with Diana and I dripping, hopeing to dry off.
If you weren't dry by the end of the day, you wern't allowed on the busses. ( stupid -_-) okay, so after ahwile I'm about as dry as I was going to get and it starts pouring. We all got soaked in less then a second. Somewhere we lost Maria and Katilyn Prey joined us.( we had lost Amanada and Jeff
earilier) and I didn't want to get out of the rain untill I found Maria. I was soaked anyway, seemed pointless to get out of the rain then. The puddles got so deep that I could sit down and it came up to my waist! No joke! People were swimming in the fountian. I might have been dripping wet looking
like I would have bitten your head off, but inside I was smileing. It was crazy!! After some time we found Maria and ran into Katliyn Killgore and hung with her. Its been so long since we hung out. We were in brownies together!
this time when it rained agian we all got under something thankfully.
I wasn't feeling that good by then because I hadn't eatin a lot the day before and so far that day all I had was a slimfast shake thing.
After the rain stopped we walked around and Diana, Katliyn and I got henna tattoos.I hadn't done henna in a long time since I ran out of paste ( I need to go to the health mart to see if they have fresh henna powder later)
Diana got a elegant floral braclet around her left wrist?, Katlyin got a chinese ( I think it was chinese) symbol for devil on her lower back, and I got a chinese symbol as well, but I really don't want to say what it was.
Lets just say, if I explained it it would make perfest sense. Eric thought it was gross, which made me both embaressed and made me want to laugh.
WE got on the buses and I fell asleep after a little while. I woke up once and found MR. BROWNE sleeping on my shoulder! I thought whatever, no harm and went back to sleep trying to huddle in a ball because I was cold and still wet. I think my pants and hair were still wet, but at least my shirt was dry.
I woke up agian to find Andrew sleeping next to me. I was like...!? is this musical sleepers?! After we both woke up he said I looked cute sleeping since I was huddled in a ball as small as the seat would allow, trying to keep in mind I still had wet henna paste on my lower back.
Stiff and still drowzy, I got off the bus and went home to find my brother had Luke over and they had some extra pizza. After not eating a lot the whole day I was pretty greatfull they didn't eat it all.
Just had to pull all the meat off. lol
that was long o_0
I also ran into Jackie a few times. Yes, the jackie that everyone tells me to stop trying to fix what strands of broken friendship we have. but I plan on trying to fix it, nomatter what people say.

Okay, since that was so long I'm going to put bullets for the rest.
Since summer I have:

~ pretty much talked to no one
~ riped out my floor
~ jumped through my floor into the basement
~ placed hardwood flooring in ( which is harder then I thought)
~ took drivers Ed
~ got my segment one permit
~ Got my navel pierced on the condition that I did nothing else "gothic" untill I move out ( I can't get any
other peircings, but he didn't specify what was gothic...loopholes ^^)
~ read alot
~ had my mom drive me up a wall about my weight ( 118 last I knew)
~ pull weeds
~ chores
~ sat in Milford for a total of 22 hours for girl scouts friday and saterday ( go ahead and laugh)

My bird, who loves to try to pull out, and chew on shiny objects has already tried to rip out the 16g hoop.( bad bird -_-)
I told Ranna that and he laughed. It was a nice sound since he normally doesn't laugh alot.
I threw a backpack at him anyway, which hit him in the stomach. there wasn't anything in it, but
it hurt him since he just got two out of three of his surface piercings redone. one got ripped out and the other rejected. That had to hurt.
He laughs when I say this, but damn him for haveing a flatter stomach then I do. lol. I havn't seen him in a long time. I want to give him a hug and chat.

I havn't really hung out with anyone all summer.
but then agian, I guess thats my fault since I havn't really called anyone. If I've talked to
someone it was because they called me.

I'll end.
At least now you know I'm not dead, huh? Feel free to call me if you want.
If there is something you want to know more about from above list go ahead and ask me, but for now I'm going to grab some blueberries and read. or call people since I have to do that...

au revoir

I think I forgot something...oh well...
but most likely this will be the last update in this journal.
I'm plan on makeing a new one soon. This one is just to negative and thats not me anymore. I feel that I've grown up some...

Um...hello.

Wed, 06 Jul 2005 23:01:01 GMT

Hi.
This is Blair, updating for Miss Kalyn.
Kalyn's carpet floor is being ripped out and being replaced with hardwood flooring, so her computer is disconnected.

She doesn't know I've typed this, so this will be a pleasant surprise.

Sayonara,
Blair

Take my heart, and break it...

Tue, 07 Jun 2005 11:54:24 GMT

I can't stop thinking about this quote,...

"If you love somebody, let them go. If they return, they were always yours. If they don't, they never were."

I can't let go...does that make me bad?...
I just want it out of my head...I can't stop thinking about it...

Mon, 06 Jun 2005 22:49:56 GMT

My mom won't stop giving me a hard time about my weight.
She keeps saying I'm to thin and that you can count my ribs.
It was funny at first, but now its annoying.
I'm not that thin, and I'm an average weight for my height and all.
122...that a good weight...

It would be my luck if she thought I had an eating disorder...Do any of you think I do?

And don't count what you see me eating at lunch, because I don't eat a lot at lunch...

This Life Could Be The Last, But We Are To Yound To Care...

Wed, 01 Jun 2005 11:23:12 GMT

We're always told to live life as if each day were our last.
We can't imagine what it would be like to only have this day left,
So when told this no one really takes it to heart.
Why?
Because we know we'll have one more day to do what we didn't do the day before to do today...

we are humans and we lie...

Wed, 01 Jun 2005 11:20:37 GMT

Why do people feel that they can never tell me the truth?
Do they think I can't handle it?

In art, she never tells me what I can do to improve.
I know I have the room to improve, but no feedback is ever offered to me.
But then agian, I don't ask for it.
People don't tell me the truth...but then agian, we are humans and we lie...

They never tell me what I can fix about myself, although I guess I don't expect them to..
People wonder whats wrong when I don't talk.
They ask if I'm okay, or if I'm mad.
I'm fine, and I don't know, is there a reason I should be mad? Is there something your not telling me about? maybe its just my paranoia..
Everyone thinks there is something wrong when I don't talk to them.
When I do talk I just ramble on and on about nothing thats important.
I don't show people the side of me that holds anger or betrayal...I keep it to myself...its how I've always been. Noones ever seen me mad at school...
Maria has once when Oliver snapped my bra strap, but thats to be expected...
The only person who told me the truth about myself...was Cherry...and I'm grateful she did.
She told me that I was very pessimistic when I thought to seriously on something. That I never let something go, and I think to much about the small things and don't look at the big picture..
I keep alot to myself...
Something she always reminds me of is that I'm to submissive...and its true...I am...
I don't tell people if something bothers me, I let things slide when I really want to tell them no...

Ona told me the truth...
That there might be 100 or more people that looked like me, and it might hurt my chances, that I shouldn't give up. I shouldn't be told to come back in three months when they know they won't give me a second glance.
I still had a chance in her eyes.
She was the one who told me I'd do good at runway and anything I set my mind to. She treated me, and all the other girls there as if we were the best.
To her, we had that chance...
And I still believe her...

If I give you the chance to say whatever without the ability to be mad because I asked for the truth...would you say?

I'm stopping...I've just ranted on...

Wed, 01 Jun 2005 01:37:25 GMT

People always hate when others talk gossip and the like about them.
Someone will say something about you and you'll get in a group with your friends and start talking about that person just as they talked about you.
That makes you no better then them.
You say," oh,I hate gossip" yet thats exactly what your doing.
your hypocritical, and I'm not saying I'm innocent, I've done the same to.
But now that I've realized it,I plan to stop...

Do we as people feel that we have to make someone feel so small in order for us to feel superior?

I always feel that even though they say they're my friends, there is always something they say behind my back...maybe its just my paranoia...

Help would be highly appreciated...pwease

Mon, 30 May 2005 04:54:00 GMT

Why do I always have to like the short style?
I hate my hair...
I really want to get it cut.
Something cute, punky, different and kinda jrock-ish. Everything in America all looks the same, so thats why I guess I say jrock-ish.
For those of you who don't know, my hair is about at my waist.
(which I guess isn't that long on a 5,7"-ish frame that is mostly legs anyway)
Still shorter then it use to be.
Dark browne with what use to be blood red highlights(think Manic Panic's vampire red, though thats not what it was. Sorta like Kami's ^^, but now the red is some coppery color).

Anyway, if anyone of you lovelies have any ideas, please feel free to tell me.

I've been told to try Beast of Blood Yu-ki, but I'm not sure if I could go that short(or what seems that short to me. If I cut another 10 inches off it would be the right length though)
Always have had long hair, so I guess I have to take steps to get to short.
This won't make sense, but its always been like a curtain I could use to hide.*shrugs*
When I did Choir solos( which was only twice if my memory serves me right) I'd put my hair down so I wouldn't be able to see people and they woulden't seem my face.
Kinda stupid, but thats how I felt. That if I was having a bad day, I would just hide my face...
I'll have to post some picutres...but I'm bad at resizing...I think Mallory once sent me something to resize pictures, but it got deleted...

I better go to bed.
au revoir, mon amie(s), mon ami(s)

Love,blood&kisses,
~+Randall+~

~~I love Blair~~
<333

Alice Auaa does runway!!!! ^^ squee

Mon, 30 May 2005 04:02:55 GMT

I've been meaning to update about how Chicago whent with the Choir and all, but as you can see I don't seem to be doing so.
I never updated about The Taste of Chaos Tour either. *shrugs*

I just thought that I'd show some pictures of some of the things Alice Auaa makes.
Why, I don't know, cause I know most or all reading will not care, but I thought I would anyway.
There were a lot more, but I can't seem to find a way to open them..

I think I'll stop.
But I found out Alice Auaa does do runway!! ^^
And thats what I'm good at, so yay for me.
Dir en Grey and Miyavi have modeled for Auaa.

I was going to post some moi-meme-moitie aristocrat stuff, but that would really be long. I can't believe I posted that many pictures.*shrugs*
I just wanted to say that they do runway, and that made me happy.
Auaa has some odd stuff...I wish I knew if Moitie did runway, or about anyother brand of the such

( I hope the pics work

Sun, 15 May 2005 19:39:52 GMT

He just threw a damn chainsaw at me!!!
It almost hit me! and the stupid polls and skis did hit me! and it hurt, but it was a freaking chainsaw!!!
He knew I was down there and still he threw things like mad!